First dates
First dates
What to do, what to say, what to wear and what happens afterwards — first dates for adults rather than students.
The mechanics of a first date have changed since most people reading this last had one. The long dinner has largely gone, replaced by a coffee or a drink lasting an hour or two — which is a sensible development, because a short date that goes well can extend and a long one that goes badly cannot be shortened.
What has not changed is the evening itself. Two people working out whether they want to keep talking. Everything below is about making that easier.
First dates
First date ideas
→What makes a good first date, ideas that work for adults rather than students, and the ones that reliably go wrong.
What to ask on a first date
→Questions that produce a real conversation rather than an interview, and the ones that make people uncomfortable.
Keeping the conversation going
→How to keep a first date conversation going, what to avoid, and what to do when it stalls.
What to wear
→How to dress for a first date without overthinking it — for men and women, and why comfort beats effort.
How to ask someone out
→How to ask someone on a date clearly and without awkwardness, what to say, and how to handle a no.
The second date
→What a second date should be, how it differs from the first, and what it means if they said yes.
Should you kiss on a first date?
→Whether to kiss on a first date, how to tell if it is wanted, and what to do if you are not sure.
What to text after a first date
→What to send after a first date, when to send it, and what silence actually means.
Blind dates
→What a blind date actually involves, how to arrange one safely, and why being set up still works.
Common questions
What is the best first date?
Coffee or a drink somewhere quiet, for an hour or two. Short, cheap and possible to talk in matters far more than the venue.
How long should a first date last?
An hour to ninety minutes. Long enough to know whether you want to see them again, short enough that a bad one is survivable.
When should I text afterwards?
That evening or the next morning. The three-day rule is long gone and waiting now reads as disorganised rather than mysterious.
Should you kiss on a first date?
There is no rule. What matters is whether both people want to, and if you are unsure, asking is far less awkward than people imagine.