First dates
Blind dates
Being introduced by someone who knows you both is still one of the better routes to meeting someone — and considerably less alarming than it sounds.
A blind date is simply meeting someone you have not seen, usually arranged by a mutual friend. It has an old-fashioned reputation and a better success rate than most modern alternatives, for a reason worth understanding.
Why being set up works
Someone who knows you both has already done the filtering that an algorithm attempts and a profile obscures. They know whether you would actually get on, which is a different question from whether you look compatible on paper.
It also comes with accountability. Neither of you will behave badly to someone your friend knows, which removes a category of problem entirely.
Asking to be set up
Almost nobody does this and it is the most underused route available. Telling three friends plainly that you would like to meet someone costs nothing and occasionally works immediately.
The reason people do not is that it feels like an admission. It is not — everyone knows dating is difficult and most people are pleased to help.
Practical arrangements
- Exchange messages first. Even two or three. It removes the worst of the awkwardness.
- Somewhere public, an hour or two. Same rules as any first meeting.
- Agree how you will recognise each other. Obvious and frequently forgotten.
- Do not have your friend join you. Well meant, always worse.
- Tell someone where you are going. Even a friend-of-a-friend is still a stranger.
If it does not work
Be gracious about it, and be careful what you report back. Your friend has a relationship with both of you and a blunt verdict puts them in an awkward position.
“Lovely person, just not for me” is enough and is usually also true.
A word on the other kind
Search this and you will find a great deal about wrapped books and about a 1980s television programme. Both are real and neither is what you were looking for.
The mutual friend route works best when you make it easy for them. “I'd like to meet someone” is vague; “if you know anyone single you think I'd get on with, I'd be glad of an introduction” is actionable.
Common questions
Are blind dates a good idea?
Being introduced by someone who knows you both remains one of the better routes. They have done the filtering an algorithm attempts, and there is accountability on both sides.
How do I ask to be set up?
Tell three friends plainly that you would like to meet someone, and make it actionable — “if you know anyone single you think I'd get on with” rather than a general wish.
Should we message before meeting?
Yes, even two or three exchanges. It removes most of the initial awkwardness without spoiling the meeting.
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Last updated: July 2026