Meeting someone safely

The first meeting

1. Somewhere public, chosen by you rather than suggested by them.
2. Your own transport, both directions, with no dependence on anyone else.
3. Someone who knows where you are, who you are meeting and when you expect to be back.
4. A charged phone, on you.
5. A short video call beforehand. Standard practice now and nobody reasonable objects.

The money rule

Never send money to anyone you have not met in person. Not a loan, not a plane ticket, not customs fees, not gift cards, not cryptocurrency, and never money forwarded on someone else's behalf.

There is no legitimate situation in which someone you have not met needs your money. This single rule prevents almost every financial loss in online dating. How the schemes actually run is in our guide to romance scams.

What to keep back at first

• Your home address, and anything that reveals it — including photographs taken outside your house.
• Your employer and where you work.
• Your full name, until you have met.
• Financial details of any kind, in any context.
• Anything identifying your children or grandchildren.

None of that needs to be shared to arrange a coffee. Sharing it later is a decision you can make; unsharing it is not.

Warning signs worth acting on

• They cannot ever video call. The strongest single signal.
• Working abroad, in a role that conveniently explains being unreachable.
• Pushing to move off the platform to a messaging app quickly.
• Moving very fast emotionally relative to how little you have actually met.
• Any mention of money, in any form.
• Irritation when you ask a reasonable question.

Photographs

Use recent pictures, and check what is in the background — a house number, a view, a workplace lanyard, post on a table. Backgrounds identify people more often than faces do.

Reverse image search is worth knowing about in both directions. You can check whether someone else's photograph appears elsewhere online, and it takes about ten seconds.

Trust the instinct

If something feels off, leave. You do not need certainty, a justification or a confrontation. “I'm going to head off” is a complete sentence, and leaving costs you an evening.