Romance scams and how to spot them

Romance fraud is among the costliest categories of consumer fraud reported in the US, and older adults are targeted disproportionately — not because of naivety, but because the profile is predictable: more likely to have savings, more likely to be recently widowed or divorced, and more likely to be looking for a genuine relationship rather than something casual.

How it actually runs

1. Contact. An attractive, plausible profile. Often claiming to work abroad — offshore, military, engineering, medicine. The distance is deliberate.
2. Intensity. Very fast emotional escalation. Long daily messages, talk of a future, sometimes declarations of love within weeks.
3. Isolation. Moving the conversation off the platform to messaging apps, away from moderation and any record.
4. The obstacle. Something prevents meeting. Repeatedly. A contract extension, a visa, a family emergency.
5. The ask. A crisis requiring money. Usually modest at first, always urgent, always with a reason you cannot verify.
6. Escalation. If you pay, there is another. The initial sum exists to establish that paying is possible.

The whole sequence typically runs over weeks or months. That patience is what makes it effective — by the time money is mentioned, this feels like someone you know.

The signals

• They cannot ever video call. Broken camera, poor connection, unreliable signal. This is the single strongest signal.
• Working abroad, particularly in a role that explains isolation and irregular contact.
• Moving off the platform quickly.
• The pace is far too fast for how little you have actually met.
• Photographs that reverse-search elsewhere. Right-click, search by image. It takes ten seconds.
• Language that does not match the claimed background.
• Any request for money, ever. In any form, for any reason.

The rule that prevents almost all of it

Never send money to anyone you have not met in person. Not a loan, not a plane ticket, not customs fees, not a gift card, not cryptocurrency, and not money forwarded on someone else's behalf — that last one can also make you an unwitting part of laundering.

There is no legitimate situation in which someone you have not met needs your money. None.

If it has already happened

This is written without judgement, because the people this happens to are not foolish. The schemes are professional and they work on intelligent people.

1. Contact your bank immediately. Some transfers can be recalled if reported quickly. Speed matters more than anything else.
2. Stop all contact. Do not confront them and do not attempt to recover it yourself.
3. Report it. In the US, the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center and the FTC. Reporting also feeds the data that gets these operations shut down.
4. Beware recovery scams. If someone contacts you offering to recover your money for a fee, that is the same people or their colleagues.
5. Tell someone you trust. Shame is what these schemes rely on to stop people reporting.

If you are being threatened with images

Sextortion follows a similar pattern and increasingly targets older adults. The advice from law enforcement is consistent: do not pay, because payment reliably leads to further demands. Preserve the messages, stop responding, and report it.