Speed dating, honestly

The format has an image problem left over from the early 2000s. In practice the age-specific nights are relaxed, well organised and the single most efficient way to meet a number of people in one evening.

How an evening works

1. You arrive, get a name badge and a scorecard, and usually a drink.
2. You sit down. Every few minutes a bell goes and one row moves along.
3. You get four to seven minutes with each person. Most nights run fifteen to twenty rounds.
4. You tick a box for anyone you would see again. Nobody sees your card.
5. If two people both ticked, the organiser passes on contact details a day or two later.

The whole thing takes about two hours. Nobody is rejected to their face, and that is the design — the scorecard exists so that no conversation has to end awkwardly.

What it is actually like

The first two rounds are uncomfortable and then it settles. Almost everyone reports the same thing: by round five you have stopped being nervous, because you have realised everyone else is in exactly the same position and repeating exactly the same three answers.

Four minutes turns out to be enough to know whether you want longer, which is the entire point. You are not deciding anything; you are deciding whether to have a coffee.

The over-40 and over-50 nights

Worth seeking out specifically. The age range is honest, the pace is slower, and the conversations are noticeably less performative than at the general nights.

A practical note: numbers at age-specific events are often tighter, so they book out and get cancelled more readily than the general ones. Booking early and checking the day before both help.

What to expect from the numbers

A realistic evening produces two or three mutual matches out of fifteen or twenty conversations, and perhaps one that leads to a second meeting. That sounds thin until you compare it with a month of anything else.

Practical advice from people who have done it

• Have three things ready. You will answer the same questions fifteen times. Knowing what you say about your work and your weekends removes most of the stress.
• Ask something that is not on the card. Everyone asks about jobs. Asking what someone is looking forward to gets a real answer.
• Tick generously. Four minutes is not long. Ticking someone commits you to nothing.
• Eat first. Two hours of talking on an empty stomach with a drink in hand goes badly.
• Go twice before judging it. One night is a small sample and the mix changes completely.