Online dating
Writing a profile that gets replies
Most profiles fail for three reasons, all of them fixable in an afternoon. Here is what to do instead.
If you have put a profile up and heard very little, the temptation is to conclude that the site is dead or that the problem is you. It is almost always the profile, and it is almost always the same three things.
The photographs
This is the single largest factor and the one most often got wrong. What works:
- Recent. Within the last two years. Photographs from a decade ago are counterproductive — you will meet eventually and the gap is the first thing noticed.
- Four or five, not one. A single picture reads as either low effort or something to hide.
- Your face clearly visible in at least two. Sunglasses in every photograph is the most common complaint people make about profiles.
- One full-length. Its absence is noticed and assumed about.
- One doing something. Walking, cooking, on a boat, with a dog. It gives someone an opening line.
- Smiling in at least one. Obvious, frequently ignored.
What does not work: group photographs where nobody knows which one you are, photographs with an ex cropped out, car selfies, and anything taken in a bathroom mirror.
The words
A hundred to two hundred words is plenty. The failure is not length, it is that most profiles could belong to anyone.
| Instead of | Write |
|---|---|
| I enjoy travel and good food | I spent last spring driving round Northumberland arguing about podcasts |
| Looking for someone genuine | I'd like to meet someone to walk with at weekends |
| Happy nights in or nights out | I am extremely bad at cards and play anyway |
| Message me and find out! | Ask me about the greenhouse. It has not gone well. |
Specificity is the whole technique. One real detail is worth five general ones, because it gives someone something to reply to. The commonest reason a profile gets read and not messaged is that there was no obvious way in.
The three things to avoid
- A list of what you do not want. No timewasters, no game-players, no drama. It reads as difficult before anyone has said hello, and everyone has been hurt by someone.
- Anything about your ex. In any form, at any length.
- Apologising for being there. “I can't believe I'm doing this” appears on an enormous number of profiles and puts the reader in the position of reassuring you.
A structure that works
If you want something to adapt rather than copy: two sentences about how you spend your time, one specific and slightly odd detail, one sentence about what you are hoping to find, and a closing line that invites a particular question rather than a general one.
Get someone to read it
The single most useful step, and almost nobody does it. Ask a friend — ideally one who would be honest — to read your profile and look at your photographs before you publish.
They will spot in thirty seconds what you cannot see at all: that all five photographs are from the same holiday, that you sound apologetic, or that the thing you thought was funny is not.
If you rewrite one thing, rewrite the closing line. Ending with a specific question you would enjoy answering is the difference between being read and being messaged.
Common questions
How many photos should a dating profile have?
Four or five, taken within the last two years, with your face clearly visible in at least two and one full-length. A single photograph reads as low effort.
What should I write in my profile?
A hundred to two hundred words with at least one genuinely specific detail. Anything that could belong to anyone gives the reader no way in.
Why is nobody messaging me?
Usually the photographs, a profile that says nothing specific, or a list of what you do not want. All three are fixable in an afternoon.
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Last updated: July 2026