Is she interested, or just being polite?

Most lists on this subject are padded with things that mean nothing — she laughed at your joke, she touched her hair, she said your name. Here are the ones that actually carry information.

The reliable signals

1. She stays when she could leave. The single strongest one. A conversation has natural exits and she is not taking them.
2. She asks you things back. Politeness answers questions; interest asks them.
3. She refers to something you said earlier. It means she was listening rather than waiting for her turn.
4. She initiates the next contact. A message, turning up where you said you would be, suggesting something.
5. Her body is turned toward you. Feet included, which people cannot easily fake.
6. She mentions being free. Rarely accidental.

Two or three of these together is meaningful. One on its own is not.

The unreliable ones

• Laughing at what you said. Extremely common politeness, particularly from women, who are socialised into it heavily.
• Being warm generally. Some people are warm to everyone. This tells you about them, not about you.
• Replying to messages. Answering is manners. Initiating is interest.
• Physical proximity in a crowded place. Often just the room.
• Anything in a professional setting. Servers, trainers, hairdressers and colleagues in a customer-facing role are being paid to be pleasant.

The polite no

Worth recognising, because misreading it is what makes people uncomfortable. Short answers that do not open anything, looking past you, angling away, checking a phone, mentioning a partner or plans early.

None of these is rudeness. They are the standard way of declining without a scene, and reading them correctly the first time is more attractive than any recovery attempt.

The thing that resolves it

Ask. Not for a verdict — ask them to do something specific. “Would you like to get a coffee on Saturday?” produces an answer in one step, and the answer is more reliable than weeks of interpretation.

Most people avoid this because a no is uncomfortable. A no is a single uncomfortable minute; misreading a polite decline for six weeks is worse for everyone, including you.